Date: May 8 2024
So I never thought this would be where I'd go with my life. It's crazy to me that I was able to make everything you see here by hand within a month of taking a class on a whim.
You see for the last few years I've been struggling with what path to take in life. Not an uncommon problem, but the pressure can feel all the more suffocating as the years go by the failures pile up, and you spiral into a depressive rut. I had lost hope.
I had resigned myself to wander aimlessly with no goals. Leading to more guilt and a fear of pushing myself. This all changed when I decided to host my own Fediverse instance and get a taste of what it's like to work with computers.
Originally, I went to school for medicine with the intention of becoming a brain surgeon. (Lol you can't say I didn't aim high as a kid). Partly because I had spent my childhood in Nigeria and wanted to aid those suffering, and also because I got inspired by that movie based on Ben Carson.
It wasn't meant to be, and it unfortunately took a lot of years and reflection for me to realize this. On the bright side, I know I like computers. Guess I can try getting certification and working my way up to becoming a sysadmin.
That's how it was supposed to go, but I was late to register and enrolled in a beginner web development class to pad out my schedule. I like being well-rounded, and I thought it would make it easier to design my Tumblr page.
But no, this decision proved to change everything for me. For the first time in years, I feel engrossed and eager to learn. I want to learn more, I want to do more. I feel like there are so many possibilities and I don't even know where to start.
I'm also scared and uncertain. I'm tired of taking classes, I'm tired of working retail jobs, and I'm tired of hoping things will get better and inevitably getting disappointed. I want things to change, but I don't know if I'm capable of achieving that.
I'm thankful for all the support and opportunities I have had in my life, and I don't want to feel guilty for squandering them anymore.
I am choosing to believe this is the path for me, and this site can be a testament to my growth and resolve as I work towards becoming a web developer. Like when couples carve their names on trees.
I have a lot more ideas and pages in the works and have been enjoying designing, coding, and even debugging things along the way. I get a satisfying sort of ache afterward, similar to after someone has finished working on a garden.
This is going to be my first step in my web development journey and hopefully, it will take me to a better place than I'm at now.